Tag Archives: self confidence

Gettin’ Sweaty & Breathin’ Heavy 2013

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When this blog began I had signed up for my first one month hot yoga challenge. The experience of yoga on a regular basis in addition to the experience of the hot room proved to be a physical challenge and provided some inspiration for this blog as well.  In the end it also fostered some unnecessary injuries and issues with heat stroke — so I do continue to do yoga but in a slightly different setting.

What I feel like after I've completed a run.

What I feel like post-run.

MY 2013 CHALLENGE IS…..drumroll please….  

Running 2 (yes 2) 10k races (September and October).

Holy.

Crap.

Some have asked, “What/who are you running from?”

That answer is more complex than I initially thought.

I am running from heart disease and diabetes (both were my mom’s arch nemeses).

I am committing to run to change my commitment karma, if you will.  Out with the one-sided relationships with people who cannot commit to the basic concepts of a relationship: Communication, Friendship and Honesty.   Bring on the healthy commitment karma!

I am running to get through the grief.  Running in the hope of somehow recreating my mother’s strength and perseverance, and honouring her spirit.

And  I am running to flush out the disappointment and frustrations of past relationships for good, and forever.  Maybe I can somehow cultivate compassion through running.

Finally, and equally as important as the rest, I am running because the post-run high is pretty freakin’ fabulous.

Mom lived with Diabetes for 20+ years and persevered through those last 2 years of life with a multitude of issues  and challenges (as a result of long-term diabetes), so therefore there is no reason why I couldn’t  move my butt 3-4 times a week. And by all means I can get out there on race day and give it my best.  And for what its worth – mom had diabetes, heart disease and cancer (x2) and my dad has had cancer (x1)- the odds are stacked against me and I need to keep movin’!

There are no illusions of grandeur, as there is virtually no chance of my placing in the top ten of any age group – I just want to get out there and do my best.  With any luck I will not be the last person to straggle across the finish line.

Have I ever run anything in my life? Not since about grade 5. Though I was a decent runner at that time — it was more than a few decades ago.

I want to prove to myself that I can do anything I put my mind to.   To show everyone (and myself) who is afraid of being 45, divorced, with no children, that it is going to be ok.  In fact, its pretty damn liberating at the best of times!  That at 45 yrs of age one doesn’t need to give in to what society deems as  OLD, and that to feel young one doesn’t need to pretend they are in their 20’s either. Doing new things challenges us to do and think differently, we interact with different groups of people, and in this case, we do a bit of good as well.

There.

It’s official.

I’ve made this commitment ‘public’.

Oi. Vay.

Let the Wild Rumpus Begin!

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One of the best children’s books ever –

Maurice Sendak’s Where the Wild Things Are.   Love. Love. Love.

Though Max’s imaginative wild rumpus occurs on his very own island with wild creatures conjured up by his wonderful imagination, this rumpus will be somewhat smaller, yet no less extraordinary.

It is the end of another year and before facing 2011, another birthday, the final term of school, and going back to work, it is time to take  a moment to reflect.    This little blog began last July as an exploration of thoughts and ideas through the process and practice of writing.  Always one to try to see the lesson in all things I’ve explored memories, personal adventures in yoga, deeper lessons learned through yoga, and shared lessons learned from my wonderful students.

So far….Loving the Blog.

The bonus from all of this (if I may toot my own horn)?  An early Christmas present arrived in my inbox just before the holidays, an offer to co-author a few articles with a friend (and author).  How freakin’ cool is that?!?

[insert my version of Snoopy’s happy dance here]

In the meantime, the New Year is swiftly approaching and I have been struggling to create a post that is just right for the occasion (hrmph, some writer….).   Personally I gave up on the whole idea of resolutions long ago – my inability to accomplish resolutions just made me feel like a complete flop.   Moving towards a more authentic approach, ‘non-resolutions’ are now the way to go in my book.   [Non-Resolutions because they are not goals to be achieved (eg. lose 10 pounds, pay off debt, etc.), but ways to direct thoughts or behaviours].

Months ago I stumbled upon a post reminding us of things we should know about ourselves.  The list is brief, just 10 points.  And the list is complete.   The list is my ideal set of ‘Non-Resolutions’.    Click the following text to go to that particular post:  10 Things I Wish You Knew About Yourself.

Moving into 2011, let’s take the lead from Max and his wild friends…have the courage to not only move forward but to create the life we imagine for ourselves, believing in ourselves and each other, keeping family and home close to our hearts.

Wishing you the happiest of New Years, YOU are amazing!

Now ‘Let the Wild Rumpus Begin!’.

oooooo *snap*, you go girl!

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Social networking is an amazing tool for sharing things that strike us as funny, poignant, and sometimes even significant.   This video was passed down the line of FB friends this past week and, at this point I have watched it almost everyday since.  Each time I watch it I want to cheer when she speaks to her someday daughter, and to the bar scene experience [**blech**].  Though every woman’s experience is different, I believe that at some point in life we all feel the frustration that is expressed so strongly in this video.

Pretty. Plastic. Empty.

Be more than ‘merely pretty’ [Thank you,  Ms.Makkai].

As Ms. Makkai says ‘BE pretty amazing, pretty intelligent, pretty authentic, pretty courageous, pretty brave’…so much so that you examine your life and work to create change for the better within  yourself rather than seeking for that ‘one thing’ or that ‘one person’ that will make it all seem better  [or dare I say that  ‘completes you’].   So you can lead by example for your sisters, daughters, and nieces…for your brothers, sons, and nephews as well, demonstrating the full depth and breadth of your beauty being you, all of you, fully and completely.

Thank you to the women in who have come before you and I, who carved their path in life according to their own purpose, despite what others may have thought.  YOU ARE  pretty amazing, pretty intelligent, pretty authentic, pretty courageous, incredibly beautiful and brave.

Tuesday Quote

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Am fairly certain that Woman was substituted in for Man in this quote, I think the message is meaningful either way.   Always Dare to be Different an’ all that.

Tonight I [finally] watched Alice in Wonderland and I find the idea of Alice having lost her ‘muchness’, and her subsequent finding of her ‘muchness’, to be an interesting spin on this quote.

May we all be able to find our muchness.artful-s-quotes-alberteinstein-1-1.jpg picture by Jacqui_ld

Voice-ing through the blog…

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Recently I read an article by Jan O’Hara (Tartitude) on  Writer Unboxed about re-authoring ourselves through writing.  I love that idea, the possibility!  [It must be said that the article was referencing re-authoring ourselves through the characters ‘we’ create in our writing of non-fiction.   But it is still a neat idea.]

Our histories cannot be re-authored, and who would want to?  Our family and personal histories are what have brought us to this very moment in our lives.   The potential for our re-authoring lies in today, in this moment, and in our very own hands.   I wouldn’t trade my history for a million bucks.  But to re-author the script of my future – how empowering is that?!

My writing is here, in this blog, right at your (and my) fingertips.  Beyond this blog my writing is for academic purposes only at this point.  Journaling has always been a way for me to think through life, relationships, decision, the usual things that people journal about.  Blogging has given me a way to re-think my writing and is broadening my idea of ‘audience’ and perspective.  Expanding my awareness and developing my skills allows me to change the direction of my future,  hence the re-authoring of my future.

Creating characters is not what I have set out to do, but somehow I feel that regardless of what you are writing about  – as long as it is what you want and need to do – it is a transformative process.   Each post seems to broaden my perspective on a given subject, and the world around me and appreciate the ‘in-between’ bits more and more.  My ability to ‘self-edit’ has always been, well, a sad state of affairs [I am usually the one in the room saying something completely inappropriate…Lol…I tend to be brutally honest].  Writing this blog is making me a little more contemplative, more attentive to what others are saying, and aware of what I want to say.

Re-authoring ourselves = empowerment of the individual to re-write the future regardless of past occurrences or behaviours.   Getting ourselves on board (‘buy in’) with our own thoughts, dreams, and the possibility of the future rather than dwelling in the past.

OK, so no I am not literally authoring my future….but it is an empowering thought, isn’t it?

Today there were two moments where I realized that the process of writing [blogging] has begun to change me.  In both cases I was open to speak up, bring my voice to a forum, respond to questions and ask questions in return as well [without butterflies lurking in my stomach or my heart racing out of the room].  Not settling for the status quo.  Can you see it?  Proof that it is possible to re-author your future.

Wait, pardon me?  Is that my voice that I hear in all this blogishness?